Deleting (and Re-Downloading) TikTok

On rejecting the doom scroll, and crawling back.

I wrote the bulk of this around 4-6 weeks ago. I have also decided to delete TikTok indefinitely again if that matters.

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In January of 2023, I deleted TikTok, thinking of the action as a kind of New Year’s resolution. Deleting TikTok was not new to me. I developed a habit of deleting it for a few days, or maybe a week when life got busy, and re-downloading it as soon as the urge to scroll overtook me. Upon re-download, I would resume my doom scroll, telling myself I’d only watch for 30 minutes and then go to bed. Then suddenly, it was somehow 1am and not 10:30pm.

This time, I decided to really delete TikTok. There was no timeline, but the goal was to resist the urge to scroll until I didn’t have much of a desire anymore. It was painful at times, sitting with my roommates while they scrolled, I was itching to get hit with the scarily accurate algorithm. I wanted to be in on the joke when people said, “Oh do you know that TikTok sound?” or “Have you seen that TikTok trend?"

How could an app move so fast in a few weeks? How wasn’t I in on the jokes? What was the latest TikTok drama? I had to mooch off of my friends for intel so I could know the latest TikTok happenings. I wanted to know so badly, and despite having a presence on other social media apps, nothing filled the TikTok-sized hole in my heart (a hole that didn’t even exist 4 years ago). It got to a point where I would mindlessly open Pinterest for some stimulation. What’s on Pinterest? Definitely no drama. I was a woman starved.

In a way, I was also a woman enlightened (I mean this semi-ironically, this following journal entry contains no revolutionary thoughts).

Here’s an excerpt from my journal that I wrote maybe a week into my TikTok-free existence, edited to be less nonsensical:

January 13, 2023 —

So I deleted TikTok a little bit into the new year and feel so much better. The Temptation to scroll for no reason is still there, it’s there this very moment, but to combat it I do things that bring me joy. Right now I’m journaling, and a few nights ago I crocheted a hat. Who knew that doing these simple things to cure boredom were more fulfilling than some app? (People in the past definitly did).

Whenever I feel the urge to be on my phone for a reason other than to communicate with someone specific these days, I think about that scene in Pride and Prejudice (2005). Close to the end of the movie, the Bennett women are all sitting in silence together. Mrs. Bennett is laying down and humming before they see Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy approach. I want to be more comfortable with that idleness, thinking of nothing much. I think that’s how humans are meant to exist most of the time.

Still from Pride and Prejudice (2005), Dir. Joe Wright.

So yes, I deleted TikTok, felt very existential around a week after, and then didn’t feel much at all towards the end of my TikTok-free stint. I didn’t keep track of the days but I deleted it for over a month, maybe close to two, and re-downloaded it recently¹. I couldn’t escape that urge to scroll, but when I re-downloaded it something changed.

TikTok is less exciting now, I scroll for an hour tops and don’t gravitate towards it when I’m bored. There are other, slightly more fulfilling things to waste my time with now.

The Urge to Delete

This experience got me thinking about social media in general. On a semi-frequent basis, youtube videos about deleting social media are recommended to me. Interestingly enough, youtube is technically social media, but it’s a much slower app than others, so fairly less “social” than Instagram, Twitter, or TikTok.

What is it about this cold turkey quitting that’s so desirable? And why are people getting the urge to quit? This is the question that crawled its way into my brain when I deleted TikTok.

It isn’t uncommon for young people to hear things like “It’s because of your phone!” (“It” refers to sadness, lack of feeling fulfilled, or maybe even full-on depression). There are countless articles and studies that explore the impact that social media has on our brains. We’re addicted, and I suppose TikTok is just the latest iteration of that. Kids these days just can’t stop using TikTok! And also apparently, many young people are increasingly using TikTok as a search engine rather than Google.

The idea that TikTok can also function as a search engine to find valuable information is interesting to me. Personally, the only thing I search for on that app is the latest news on petty influencer and celebrity drama, which is something that I can definitely live without. But clearly, that’s not the universal experience, so one must consider TikTok beyond its capacity to entertain when discussing the role it plays in our lives. Why might one use TikTok, other than for pure entertainment? On top of the whole search engine thing, I can think of at least two reasons:

1. Loneliness — Maybe people are lonely and TikTok provides some semblance of community that they cannot access in their real lives. This can especially be true of children, teens, and young adults, who do not necessarily have the autonomy to up and physically leave their family situation or their area. TikTok, like other social media, helps loneliness, but it also creates loneliness.

2. Exposure — If you’re a creative person or an aspiring influencer, TikTok’s algorithm allows you to reach many people. It and other social media have a potential for virality. One can build an audience in ways that are impossible in real life.

Final Thoughts

I guess my point is that yes, TikTok often has me doom scrolling for hours and I need to delete it from time to time so that I can continue to be a normal functioning human being, but it’s not all bad. But there is something to be said about that desire to disappear off of the face of the earth. I’m sure that deleting social media altogether is therapeutic because it allows people to appreciate life more. It forces them to go outside, talk to friends and family, and be alone with their thoughts when there’s nothing else to do.

To say that social media is the problem is to ignore real-world issues though. People are lonely, and it is difficult to be a creative person for a living unless you’re a nepotism baby or come from money. Social media may just be a bandaid on a gushing wound though. It often functions as a kind of weapon at times, reopening wounds and digging into our mental scars.

My conclusion isn’t very useful, it’s just that we should all try to remember ourselves without social media. Delete that one app that consumes you when there are a million other problems to focus on in your life. Maybe leave it forever, or maybe go back when your relationship can be healthier. Curate your following list, mute and block liberally. Take personal steps to minimize harm if, like me, you can’t help but crawl back sometimes.

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media about quitting social media that I enjoyed:

1. Binchtopia Episode

2. Michelle Gia Video

1. Actually, while writing this, I deleted TikTok again. Never let them know your next move.